When it comes to the world of deportment, posture is key. We learn to walk with good posture, we learn to stand with good posture, and we learn to sit with good posture. So, when sitting elegantly at the dining table with good posture the last thing that you want to do is ruin that elegance that you have crafted by grabbing your knife and fork in your fists and shoveling the food into your mouth. The time has come to understand what it means for a girl to dine like a lady.
Join me as we unpack the details of the etiquette that will allow you to dine like a lady and portray the image of being pretty and feminine from across the room no matter what you wearing.
Etiquette For A Formal Dinner
Dining out is way more of a casual affair than it once was. However, it is definitely not acceptable to be indulging in improper table manners no matter how casual the setting is. Whether it be a professional or social situation, having good table manners is a vital part of making that critical first impression.
That is why we maintain proper table manners no matter how casual the situation we happened to be dining in. After all, we do not want to be cultivating the bad habits that could potentially creep in when we really need to make that good impression.
When it comes to using knives, forks, and spoons many people are unaware that there is a proper way to use these implements. The way we use forks and spoons has evolved over the years but that does little to alleviate the fact that we have cutlery and they need to be used correctly. Merely holding forks and knives in the correct hand is not enough. It is of utmost importance for a lady to know what must be used and when during her dining experience.
General Etiquette Of Different Dining Styles
The use of a fork and spoon differs according to the type of food being served and the culture of different countries where we eat.
When it comes to the classical use of cutlery, there are two distinct dining styles. There is the American dining style which is somewhat more casual in its nature. Then there is the European or Continental style of dining which is more formal and its nature. I prefer that the young ladies I work with learn the European/Continental style of dining as it is the style of dining that is more acceptable at high-end European-style restaurants no matter what in the world you may be.
American Style Of Dining
The key difference when observing the American style of dining is that the knife is held only while cutting the food.
When cutting your food hold the fork in your left hand in a pen-like hold with the tines facing downward. Hold the knife in your right hand to cut your food. As soon as you’ve cut your food place your knife down at the edge of your plate and transfer your fork from your left hand to your right hand. As you do so, turn your fork so that the tines are now facing upwards and take a bite.
What I have noticed many people doing when using the American style of dining is that they cut multiple pieces of their food at the same time before placing their knives down at the edge of the plate. They then transfer the folk into their right hand, tines facing upward, and proceed to shovel their food into their mouths with their fork.
The style of shoveling your food into your mouth is most unbecoming to a young lady and no girl should ever aspire to such a crude manner of eating. Often girls eating like this tend to hunch down over the plate so as not to mess food onto their lap while shoveling food into their mouth with a fork as quickly as possible.
European/Continental Style Of Dining
To my mind, the Continental style of dining is a far more elegant and sophisticated manner to eat your food. Therefore it is the one that I strongly suggest that you make a habit of as it easily indicates that you are a girl of good manners and etiquette.
When you cut the food on your plate, hold the knife in your right hand and the fork in your left with the tines facing down. Have your wrist bent slightly so that the index fingers of both hands are pointing down to your plate as they rest lightly on the top of your knife and fork. Then hold the food down by applying pressure through the index finger of your left hand while making the cut with your knife that is in your right hand.
Now we are at the point where the Continental style of dining differs significantly from the American style of dining. Here with the Continental style of dining, you do not transfer the fork from your left hand to your right. And consequently, you do not place your knife down on the plate while taking a bite of your food. You keep holding your knife with a bent wrist so the point of the knife is pointing down at your plate. You also keep your fork in your left hand bringing your food up to your mouth with the fork’s tines still pointing download.
As you can imagine when dining using the Continental style of dining it is impossible to shovel a large amount of food into your mouth in a single bite. By keeping the fork in your left hand with the tines facing downward it means that each bite of food is a small, delicate mouthful. This is the way a girl should eat to show that she is a lady.
The exception to this rule is when eating pasta. In this instance, the fork is held in the right hand while a spoon is held in the left. You scoop a small portion of pasta with the spoon then twirl the fork in the bowl of the spoon to catch the pasta between the tines of the fork. The correct amount of pasta for each bite is the amount of pasta that fits into the spoon that you’re using. As a girl, ensure that each mouthful of pasta you eat is small so that you can eat in an elegant and ladylike manner.
How To Eat With A Spoon
There is most certainly a correct way to use a spoon when eating. By way of an example, I shall explain the manner in which an elegant young lady will eat her soup. However, the same manner can be used when eating desserts or for that matter any food that requires the use of a spoon.
A spoon is held in the right hand. When scooping your soup using your spoon you should scoop the soup in a motion away from you and not towards you. Once you have scooped some soup into your spoon, you bring the spoon to your mouth. A lady does not lower her mouth to her spoon. While eating our soup sit while maintaining proper upright posture at all times.
When lifting our soup to our mouth we should bear in mind that we have approximately between five and eight seconds before the first droplet of soup is likely to drop from under the spoon. Thin soups like consommé will tend to drip sooner than thicker soups. When sipping from a spoon we always sip from the side of the spoon never the front of the spoon. Our elbows remain off the table and our arms remain tucked by our sides. We do not flap our elbows about while eating with a spoon.
It is considered most unladylike to make any sort of slurping noises while eating our soup with a spoon. Likewise, it is considered to be very bad social etiquette to hold our spoon in our fist or to point at any of our fellow diners using a spoon as an implement for pointing.
How To Eat With A Fork
There is a correct manner in which to use just a fork to eat the smaller items on your plates such as rice and small vegetables. Unlike the American style of dining where you would hold your folk in your right hand, with the Continental style of dining you maintain holding your fork in your left hand. However, you turn your fork so that the tines are facing upward. Instead of scooping at your food like a shovel, place the fork on the plate and use the knife to bring the food onto the fork before lifting the fork to your mouth.
Certain Mediterranean countries such as Spain Italy and Greece have a culture where it is acceptable to use a small piece of crusty bread to scoop the rice onto your fork before eating it. Here again, you’ll be keeping your fork in your left hand and the small piece of crusty bread that will be used in place of your knife will be held in your right hand.
What To Do While You Pause Between Eating
When dining elegantly it is natural to pause between eating. We are not in a race to see how quickly we can empty our plates, putting as much food into our mouths as possible. Likewise, when pausing between eating we do not keep our knives and forks in our hands as that may lead to the temptation of using them as pointing implements while having a conversation. As we have already in the section about eating with a spoon, it is also bad manners to use your knife or folk as a pointing implement during the course of a dinnertime conversation.
It is correct etiquette to place your cutlery on your plate when pausing between eating. As you may have already guessed, there is a correct way to place your cutlery in a resting position. You need to do so in a manner that indicates to your waiter that you have not finished eating as yet and are merely pausing between bites.
The correct rest position for your cutlery when using the American style of dining is with the knife near the top of your plate and your fork diagonally across your plate. Place the blade of the knife at a 12 o’clock position on the plate and the handle at a 3 o’clock position. Place your fork with the handle in an 8 o’clock position, with the tines near the midpoint of your knife’s blade. Your fork should be in a tines-upward position.
When dining using the Continental style of dining, the correct resting position for your cutlery is in a crossed-over position, with your knife crossed beneath your fork. Place your knife on the plate with the handle in a 4 o’clock position. Then place your fork on the plate with the handle in an 8 o’clock position so that it crosses over your knife. Your fork should be placed with the tines facing downward.
In both of these instances, your waiter will understand that you are not finished eating and will not move closer nor make any attempt to remove your plate.
What To Do When You Have Finished Eating
When you have finished eating, place your cutlery in a completed position. This will indicate to your waiter that you have finished eating your food and the plate can be cleared. Again the different styles of dining have slightly different approaches.
When dining in the American style, the correct completed position for your cutlery is placing the knife and fork next to each other, parallel on your plate, with the fork’s tines facing upward.
When dining using the Continental style of dining the completed position of your cutlery is almost identical to that of the American style, where you place your knife and fork next to each other and parallel. However, the tines of the fork will be facing downward.
One thing that should be noted while dining is that you do not want your waiter to clear your plate from the table when the person with whom you are dining is still eating. It is considered bad manners to have an empty space in front of you while your dining partner is still eating. It creates the impression that you are trying to rush them to eat their food faster.
Therefore, what a girl should do is place her knife and fork in the resting position on her plate even if she has finished eating and wait until her dining companion has finished their meal.
If you do this, once your partner has finished their meal move your knife and fork from the resting position to the completed position. You are now indicating to your waiter that they may know clear all the plates from the table and prepare the next course of your meal.
I trust that you know have a very clear idea of how to use your knife, fork, and spoon when dining elegantly in the Continental style. Use these new skills as often as you can by practicing with each and every meal that you have from now on. Make sure that you eat like a girl every time you sit down for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
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