PinkFemme

Let me start by making one thing clear. For the vast majority of boys, expressing any degree of girliness is very non-traditional. However, I’m not saying that being or feeling girly is wrong. You are not “wrong” for feeling girly. It is part of who you are as a person and is what makes you beautiful. Unfortunately, as Candace points out, most of the world still lives in honor/shame cultures. At the same time there are parts of the world where it is possible to express who we are more openly. The good news is that no matter what tradition and culture tries to dictate, nobody on the outside has the right to tell you how you feel on the inside. They are your feelings and that makes them valid and they have a right to exist. In those parts of the world where traditions have changed for the better, those changes happened because non-traditional people like us began to push the envelope of what is acceptable to express outwardly. If you live somewhere or are in a family situation where it is still frowned upon to express your girliness outwardly, you still have options. There are things that you can do every day, starting today that will help you to feel girly on the inside. This reminds me of a friend that came to me for advice 2 or 3 years ago. Although this doesn’t have anything directly to do with living a girly life, I hope that you can see a parallel. My friend was a writer who had 5 completed manuscripts that had all been rejected by publishers for the same reason. All her characters were too alike in terms of their emotions and expressions irrespective of their gender. Her boyfriend had also embarked on the journey of becoming a writer and had his first manuscript rejected for the same reason. My suggestion to her for when she started rewriting her manuscripts was to get a separate closet and stock it with the complete gender-appropriate outfits for each of her characters. Then, each day when she sat down to write, she had to dress completely as the character that she was writing as. This helped her to immerse herself in that specific character – from and elegant little black dress, to a flowy bohemian outfit, to a crisp 3-piece suit. She took it a step further and compiled a music playlist according to the different characters in her novels. The first of her manuscripts that she rewrote using this immersion method was accepted by a publisher. She now uses full character immersion for all the novels that she writes. What’s more, she’s convinced her boyfriend to practice the same character immersion when writing his novels – and they both are getting published with far fewer rejections. It is not uncommon for them to go to the café near to where they live to have a coffee and write while till dressed in their respective characters – she in a 3-piece suit, and he in a skirt/blouse. Although this challenged the traditions and culture of the town where they lived, their neighbors grew to accept that the “eclectic writing couple” dressed differently. In the end, the culture of that café shifted to be more accepting of people expressing their inner truth. Gradually, other people started frequenting that café dressed more girly (or boyish) than they had before. I hope that wherever you are that you get to express your girly spirit in some way – even if it is only a dab of pretty floral perfume on your wrists. Hugs. One thing before we continue: It is thanks to fabulous people like you that Pink Femme can stay free for everyone to use. We are an Amazon.com affiliate which means that we receive a small commission on any items you purchase after clicking our affiliate links - at no cost to you. The commissions we receive help us pay for web hosting fees and other costs associated with running this website. Thank you for using the affiliate links on Pink Femme and keeping the content free for anyone who wants it. This post was created by the talented Candie Hart and originally appeared on her Tumblr blog. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. Be sure to check out more about Candie at the end of the post and give her some Pink Femme love. Tradition is a funny thing. Many scoff over traditions, but most are imprisoned to them, and even curry them whether they realize it or not. Part of the reason for this is that in spite of it being the 21st century, we are still living in honor/shame cultures. This might be more true for those in the South of the United States than in other places, but there are strong pockets of it everywhere around the globe. Perhaps it would be true that some of it is religion based, but more than anything, it’s simply a long-standing tradition. Religion just seemed to capitalize on it. If you find yourself living your girliness in secret, or like I think for myself, under cover, there’s a good chance that it’s because of tradition–tradition surrounding gender stereotypes. I wish for myself and for you that we weren’t so surrounded by this kind of toxic tradition. The truth of the matter, though, is that we do. Some brave souls have pissed in tradition’s face, and these heroes have found an incredible release from traditional restraints. However, many of us have to roll with the times, the culture and the traditions, family and friend dynamics, and employment restrictions. We have to search and find opportunities to be truer to who we are under the cloaks of our secrets. I wish this wasn’t the case, but alas, it is our reality. Regardless of the honor/shame tradition, let me tell you that you don’t have to be a traditional male–the talk, walk, dress, emotions, smell, appearance, etc. etc. You have to decide what is safe for you, but you don’t HAVE to be traditional. You can be as girly as you desire or as you permit yourself. It’s just a tradition. Find ways to be who you are. Find ways to be less manly and more feminine. Embrace them and have confidence in yourself. And above all, no matter what our culture claims, never ever be ashamed of your girliness. I’m proud to know that so many of you share in your struggles with me over what we know to be an innocent and harmless aspect of humanity. I’m thankful that you realize that there is a uniqueness about yourself that can’t be claimed by a traditional mindset. If anything, I’m grateful that we can all slide into some feminine frillies and understand that we are not alone. Tradition can never take any of that away. I love you, my girlies. You’re special to me. CandieHart Candie is an enthusiast for all things fit and femme. All of her very creative captions carry the same positive, motivating ethos that I envisioned for Pink Femme when I started this site. Use this link to go to Candie’s blog on Tumblr and give her captions some much-needed love. If you would like to see more of Candie’s longer-form content with captions here on Pink Femme – here is the link to the list of posts that have been published. If you are new to Pink Femme, be sure to check out the unique 40 Steps To Femme program that will help you to feel more girly one delicate step at a time.

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