Some girls are fortunate to grow up in an environment and a family that is fully supportive of their inner girl. That support system can make it much easier to come out of the closet at a younger age before the fear becomes too crippling.
Maybe this is you, or maybe your journey is more challenging. Whether you have come out or not the chances are that you won’t have your girliness all figured out – and that is totally OK.
None of us can say that we have ourselves all figured out. Life is a journey and we are constantly evolving, and so is your inner girl.
If a friend comes out to you, yours is the easy job of being supportive and loving. They were likely struggling internally for years to build the courage to tell you. Give them a hug and tell them: “It’s OK.”
This post was created by the talented Candie Hart and originally appeared on her Tumblr blog. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. Be sure to check out more about Candie at the end of the post and give her some Pink Femme love.
I recently had a friend much younger than myself who boldly came out of the closet. They grew up, like myself, in a more “traditional” gender role setting, but have now come to terms with being binary. I can still remember her as a little girl, and even though I’m someone who is proud and understanding of their testimony, it’s difficult to see them as anything but the girl I’ve always known. That takes some time, but I know this will grow on me. I have the easy part. They’re the one who has wrestled for years with identity and the stress of coming forward with their truer identity.
Stories like this one make me happy. But they also make me sad–not for my friend, but for myself. When I see this special person being bold, outright, resolute, and proud, it makes me sad that I feel like I’m still trying to figure myself out. Granted, my friend is barely an adult, single, and basically already estranged from their family while I’m older, married with children, and have a secure career. Is it okay that I’m so slow figuring everything out?
The answer to that question, I believe, is a big fat “YES”. It’s okay. For one, my friend may change their mind a dozen times over the next three years. And even then, not have it all figured out. But secondly, there’s nothing that says that I have to be figured out right at this moment. There’s no timeline–well except for the inevitable death. There’s so much more to identity than making a firm at-this-moment statement. I don’t have to be out in the open as Candie.
Maybe, for me, it’s a never-ending wrestling match. Maybe I’m not as in tune with my girliness as I think I am. Maybe deep down inside, being a male is too woven into me. Maybe my girliness is more of an escape. There are so many questions, so many opportunities, so many ifs and or buts–though I do really wish I had a girlier one of those.
What I’m trying to say is that while there are some people who are ready, willing, and courageous to take certain steps, that doesn’t mean that everyone has to have it all figured out at this moment. We can share in their moment, congratulate them, comfort them, and help them. But for the rest of us? Maybe we need to experiment, play some, test the waters, measure the ups and downs, pros and cons, etc. etc.
If you haven’t figured out the fullest extent of your girliness, I want to tell you…”That’s okay.”
You’re all okay in my diary! Much love to you all!
CandieHart
Candie is an enthusiast for all things fit and femme. All of her very creative captions carry the same positive, motivating ethos that I envisioned for Pink Femme when I started this site. Use this link to go to Candie’s blog on Tumblr and give her captions some much-needed love.
If you would like to see more of Candie’s longer-form content with captions here on Pink Femme – here is the link to the list of posts that have been published.
If you are new to Pink Femme, be sure to check out the unique 40 Steps To Femme program that will help you to feel more girly one delicate step at a time.