How To Feminize Your Walk

All too often I have girls on my therapy couch who are battling with being constantly misgendered. This is a very real cause of immense emotional turmoil and pain.

The truth of the matter is that you can have the cute preppy girl outfit perfect with your hair and makeup on point and be spritzed with delicate floral perfume, only to have everything come crashing down when you start moving.

How to feminize your walk?

1. Posture: Stand tall, shoulders back, chest out, look straight ahead with confidence.
2. Arm Position: Upper arms tucked against your sides with the inside of your elbows facing forward.
3. Arm Swing: Your arm swing will be more from the elbows down than from the shoulders, but relaxed and not forced.
4. Wrist Position: Turn your wrists so that the palms of your hands angle slightly forward.
5. Hold Your Core: Keep your core tight, belly in. This will help you keep your good posture.
6. Lead From The Thigh: Leading from the thigh and letting your foot follow will allow your foot to naturally land under your center of mass.
7. Place One foot In Front Of The Other: Walking with one foot in front of the other will cause your hips to gently sway as you walk.
8. Transfer Weight To The Balls Of Your Feet: This is important when you wear heels. It is easier to keep your balance when your weight is over the balls of your feet.

I’m afraid that simply slipping on a pair of heels, no matter how gorgeous will not suddenly give you a lovely femme walk. It will simply exaggerate the bad habits that you already have. So let’s take it one delicate step at a time.

Before we get to that how about we start with the mechanics of what is seen as a more masculine way of walking. That will make it easier to understand the subtle changes that I will need you to make that will totally transform the way you walk.

The masculine way of walking includes leading with the feet, taking long strides that end with a solid “heel strike” that is in line with the hips. Arms angle out from the shoulders with an inward bend at the elbow and the back of the hand facing forward and out at around 45 degrees allowing a powerful drive from the arms that lengthen the stride even further.

Heels won’t magically change these foundational mechanics, but what will help, is if we work on changing some of those mechanics to work for your femme walk rather than against it.

Walk like you have three men walking behind you.

Oscar de la Renta

Posture

If you are nervous or shy stepping out in public, this will reflect in your posture. A woman walking with a slouched over posture looking at where her feet are will attract critical attention.

Start by standing up straight, like you have an invisible string running up your spine and out the top of your head, pulling upward.

Look straight ahead with your chin parallel to the ground. Keep your shoulders relaxed.

Move your arms slightly back. That will cause your shoulders to open slightly and push your chest out. It doesn’t matter if your chest is almost as flat as mine. Walking with good posture will actually attract less unwanted attention.

I remember a case of a cis-female patient of mine years ago. After three children her breasts had started sagging. Encouraged by her husband she had surgery that included implants that increased her breasts by two cup sizes. She felt so self-conscious about her bigger breast size that she started walking completely hunched over to try and hide her breasts. That attracted even more attention.

Having good posture is a cornerstone of being ladylike. Don’t make it even harder on yourself before you take a step.

Arm Position

I see many walk-like-a-girl articles focus mainly on what your feet are doing. But what years of marathon running taught me is that the way your arms move will influence how your legs move.

Next time you are chatting to one of your cis-female friends, ask her to straighten her arm as far as she can. You will see that her elbow able to flex back beyond 180 degrees. This is something unique to the female ligament and tendon elasticity. It is what makes a girl’s arm position while she walks feel so natural. Here is how to do it.

Instead of having your upper arm extending away from your body so that your elbow bend brings your hand back to your side, rather tuck your upper arms closer against yours. There is no need to try and carry any imaginary pineapples under your armpits.

With your upper arms closer to your sides, pivot your arms so that the inside of your elbows face forward. It may feel a little uncomfortable at first, but walking like this all the time will gradually lengthen your elbow ligaments to make a feminine arm swing feel more natural.

Arm Swing

When you try to walk with your upper arms tucked and the inside of your elbows facing forward, you will notice that it is near impossible to walk with an exaggerated upper arm swing. That is a good thing. It shows that you have got your arm position right.

So, even though your arm swing originates at the shoulder as it did before, your tucked arm and forward turned elbow will allow the visible part of your arm swing to be from the elbow down.

Wrist Position

Turn your wrists so that the palms of your hands angle slightly forward. This will be easier to do if you keep the inside of your elbow facing forward. Remember to keep your wrists (and elbows) softly relaxed.

My instruction about your wrist position is less a hard rule, but more like a drill to keep you from turning your wrist and arm so that the back of your hand faced forward in a very unfeminine way.

Shoulder Purse

If you are carrying a shoulder purse, rest your forearm on the purse with a limp wrist so that your hand can hang down.

Your other arm will be in the position I have just explained so that your overall arm swing movement does not change.

Hold Your Core

Keep your core tight, belly in. This will help you keep your good posture. It is almost impossible to slouch when you keep your core tight.

Lead From The Thigh

Instead of leading each step with your foot to try and get a long stride, rather lead each step with your thigh.

When you lead each step with your thigh and let your foot follow, you will tend to put your foot down under your center of mass rather than out in front of you.

Learn to do this in flats or else you twist an ankle and fall when you start wearing heels.

Place One foot In Front Of The Other

I see many people saying that girls should focus on walking with a natural-looking feminine hip sway. How do you make your hips sway in a “natural-looking way”?

What works far better in practice is place one foot in front of the other as you walk. When you do that together with leading each step with your thigh, your hips will begin to sway naturally with each step.

And by far the easiest way to have a natural-looking hip sway is when your hips sway naturally without effort.

Transfer Weight To The Balls Of Your Feet

You will notice that I have not mentioned anywhere that you should focus on taking short steps.

That is because if you follow all of the instructions above, taking short feminine steps will be the most natural way for you to walk.

It is perfectly fine if you still land on your heel as you walk. That is because your foot will be much more under you as it lands. Even when you start wearing heels you will be landing more on the flat part of the heel rather than the edge which is much more unstable.

The important thing to remember that even if you do land on your heel, you should transfer your weight to the ball of your foot as quickly as you can. This will again help a lot when you progress to wearing heels because it is easier to maintain your balance when your weight is over the balls of your feet.