Either/Or or Both/And?


Here is another topic from Candace that has me thinking rather deeply about all the girly people that I have met over the past decades. This is even more relevant when put alongside the article that I wrote about a week ago for the wives/girlfriends of those who like to wear feminine things.

More than 80% of the boys who dress girly are “sometimes” dressers. In other words, they only dress up girly some of the time. I know that many “sometimes” dressers do so because their life circumstances don’t allow for more girly time. Even so, the either/or doesn’t apply to the vast majority of those who like to dress girly. With the either/or approach the expectation is that if you decide to be girly it has to be permanent with HRT and surgeries scheduled. This can be a very scary prospect for those who are just starting out.

A better approach is the both/and approach that Candace explains. It is possible to both feel girly on the inside and be in boy mode from the perspective of the outside world. Maybe you can only be in girl mode once a week, or even once a month. By using the both/and approach you can still do things daily that make you feel girly on the inside in between those days when you get to be all girly from head to toe. Hugs.

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This post was created by the talented Candie Hart and originally appeared on her Tumblr blog. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. Be sure to check out more about Candie at the end of the post and give her some Pink Femme love.

If you’ve followed my little Tumblr long enough, you have probably noticed the theme of being “girly” and not so much with becoming a girl, hormones, operations, etc.  There is a reason for this.  I’m an advocate for girliness among men.  I do, in fact, make captions about becoming girls, but those are not as frequent and are done to add some diversity. 

Listen to me on this: It’s perfectly fine for a boy to remain a boy and also want to be girly, and all without becoming female.  I see that it is often portrayed that it has to be an either/or.  For example, you’re either a boy or a girl; you either want to be a boy or you want to be a girl.  And I ask, “Why must it be an either/or?  Why can’t it be both/and?“  Why can’t I, or anybody enjoy being boys with girly instincts, passions, and desires?  Why can’t I be both boy and girlish?  Just because I love panties, cute shoes, and bras doesn’t mean that I have to hate being a boy or that I must undergo treatments to become a girl.  It also does not mean that I’m a pervert or a sexual deviant. 

I relate with sissies, but that doesn’t mean that I crave to be sexually assaulted and humiliated either.  I also have the utmost respect for people who transform their gender either partially or completely.  But that’s not me, that’s probably not most of you, and that’s probably not a majority of men who have girlish desires.  One size does not fit all.  We are all so much more than any “either/or”.

At this moment, I’ve got the man look going on.  Put me in flannel and I’d look like a lumberjack.  And chances are that if you saw me out and about, unless you noticed my women’s shoes or a VPL, then you’d think I was the typical man’s man–a stereotypical alpha male.  To know me, however, is different.  I am male with a passion for girliness.  Being a girly boy suits me just fine.  I am both/and, not an either/or.  I deserve the space to feel that way–and you do too.  Respect me that I am a human being who is open to exploring a softer side of who I am.

I kind of feel like this has become more of a rant than anything.  I don’t mean for it to be.  I mean for this to be an encouragement to all of you boys out there who enjoy girliness, even if, and especially if, this pretty part of you is a secret.  Don’t let anybody fool you into believing that you are lost or a coward because you are both a boy and a girlish person.  And if anything else, you’ve got my support and friendship.  I appreciate you for being you.

Much love to you!

Candie

Candie is an enthusiast for all things fit and femme. All of her very creative captions carry the same positive, motivating ethos that I envisioned for Pink Femme when I started this site. Use this link to go to Candie’s blog on Tumblr and give her captions some much-needed love.

If you would like to see more of Candie’s longer-form content with captions here on Pink Femme – here is the link to the list of posts that have been published.

If you are new to Pink Femme, be sure to check out the unique 40 Steps To Femme program that will help you to feel more girly one delicate step at a time.

Edith

I stay in shape by trail running. When I am not writing posts to help you be as feminine as you can be, I work as a therapist.

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